How To Date Your Spouse

If you're like most people involved in long-term relationships, you probably long for the romantic spark you once felt. Maybe you're not sure why the spark is gone. Or perhaps, like many people, you blame your spouse. The truth, though, is that your life was much different when you first met your spouse. And like most newly-dating couples, you probably did much to impress one another. With the changes of time, the challenges of a shared life, and the inevitable frustrations of living together, romantic love can steadily shrivel until there's nothing left. By dating your spouse as you did once upon a time, you can relive the early days of your relationship and get back that spark you thought was long since gone.

Romance Your Spouse

When was the last time you took flowers to your spouse? If you can't remember, you've got a serious problem on your hands. To have romance, you have to offer it, whether you're a man or a woman. Commit to three months of romance, and you may be surprised to see how happy you end up feeling in your relationship. Some things to try:

• Dress in a way you know your spouse loves. And listen to your spouse's beauty and fashion advice (so long as the tips aren't mean-spirited or unreasonable, such as demands to lose weight). Is your wife begging you to get your hair cut? Do it. Hubby ready to see your hair long again? Put down the scissors.
   
• Do something nice for your spouse every single day. No exceptions and no excuses.
   
• Commit to a weekly date night, and put it on your calendar; we take our commitments more seriously when they're written down, and research suggest that date nights really do work.
   
• Give your spouse small gifts, such as flowers or candy, once per week. Strapped for cash? Try picking flowers outside, giving your spouse a back rub, or even writing a weekly love letter.  

Get to Know One Another (Again)

In the early days of your relationship, you probably talked about everything imaginable – values, goals, sexual desires, plans for the future. As you've gotten to know one another, though, you've probably begun taking basic facts about your spouse for granted. Knowledge about one another is the cornerstone of intimacy. Want to get to know one another all over, reliving the mystique of those first intimate conversations? Try working your way down this list of questions.  

Do Something Adventurous

In the early days of your relationship, that “spark” you felt was actually a pang of anxiety. As your certainty about your relationship has grown, though, the spark has likely waned. Studies suggest you can get it back by experiencing the anxiety of adventure together. Capitalize on the gorgeous year-round climate in South Florida and go water skiing, snorkeling, scuba diving, or hiking. When you face – and surmount – unfamiliar challenges together, the challenges of marriage suddenly seem less daunting – and perhaps even a little fun. 

Four Free and Low-Cost Ways to Have Your Best Valentine's Day Yet

For couples who've been together for years or decades, it's easy for Valentine's Day to lose the sense of magic it once offered. And if you've gotten in trouble for “failing” at Valentine's Day before, you might see the day as little more than a manufactured holiday designed to make you feel terrible about your relationship. But step back and pause before you go casting too much judgment on this unassuming holiday. Romantic days are what you make them, and a good relationship centers around taking time to celebrate one another, indulge in a little romance, and depart from the humdrum boredom of everyday life. Even if you're strapped for cash, you can enjoy this most romantic of holidays. Even better, you can recycle some of these ideas when your anniversary rolls around.

Write a Love Letter

In an era of text messages and emails, it's probably been years since you've sat down, put pen to paper, and explained why you love your spouse. And if your relationship came of age in the digital era, you might never have written him or her a love letter. Take some time to do it, now. Not only will the love letter leave your partner feeling deeply loved; it can also remind you of why you're together, improving your own attitude about your relationship.

Chronicle Your Relationship

Research suggests that reliving the good times in your relationship can help you get through the tough times. Try chronicling your relationship in the form of a scrapbook, illustrated story, or even a song. The time you spend thinking about the past may give you insight into the present, and the thought that goes into such an undertaking can leave even the most unromantic of partners breathless.

Create a Picture-Perfect Homecoming

When asked about their biggest sources of stress, both adult men and women overwhelmingly respond that housework, cooking, childcare, and similar undertakings figure prominently. Give your partner a stress-free night where you've taken care of everything. Clean the house till it's immaculate. Send the kids to their grandparents. Cook a gorgeous and tasty meal, and then cover the bed or the bath tub with rose petals. Even the most harried and exhausted of spouses will appreciate your efforts, and the relaxation offers the sort of marriage reset that can help even troubled relationships improve.

Recreate Your First Date

If you both need a reminder of why you first fell in love, consider recreating your first date. Focus on the small details – where you went, where you sat, even what you wore. Not only does this show that the memory matters to you all these years later. Such an approach can also help stoke the passion you once felt. And if you play your cards right, you may just find that your spouse is as enamored of you as he or she was the day you first laid eyes on one another.